Tips to avoid conflict during Holidays with family

While the holiday dinner table may look perfect, the family that gathers around it might not be! If get-togethers are a source of conflict, mental health experts say it's OK to pace yourself, and even say 'no' to some stressful situations. (Photo: SDRandCo/morguefile)
If get-togethers are a source of conflict, mental health experts say it’s OK to pace yourself, and even say ‘no’ to some stressful situations. (Photo: SDRandCo/morguefile)

INDIANAPOLIS – -While the holidays are a happy time for many, the stress associated with family obligations and dynamics can be the “lump of coal” in some people’s Christmas stockings.

According to the American Psychological Association, fatigue and stress are the top sources of negative feelings during this time of year.

Clinical social worker and psychotherapist Lisa Ferentz says sometimes the best thing to do is simply not participate in a potentially stressful situation.

“Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to avoid family interactions that you know are going to be too painful,” says Ferentz. “Or that will set you up to be ‘triggered’ in some way.”

Ferentz says if you feel compelled to see family or friends who can be a source of conflict, limit time you spend, bring a friend to act as a buffer, and use your cell phone as an excuse for a break.

Sometimes, according to Ferentz, the best relief is to break away from habits from the past by beginning a new tradition, or do something for others.

“I encourage people to volunteer during this time of year,” she says. “When you do things that kind of help you step outside of yourself and your own emotional upset, it gives you perspective about life. It also helps you to kind of reclaim a feeling of gratitude.”

Ferentz says it’s also important to avoid self-destructive behaviors like over eating or drinking too much and replace them instead with exercise or meditation.

Mary Kuhlman